I promised to tell you how watching television can enhance any part of your life and with today’s 21st Century wireless technology the future of 24 hour TV is even closer than you think. As you know I’m not here to disappoint so hang in there while I get up a full head of steam.

Now think about it, what do you like better than watching TV? Be honest. Okay, I’ll give you that  but TV second best, I’m going to show you how even #1 can be made better with television. So now we have established that TV viewing is just about the thing you most like to do. On top of that it is one of the most relaxing pastimes. It’s so relaxing you can even sleep in front of the TV and you should for your mental health. C’mon, what other hobby lets you sleep while you do it? So don’t tell me that mountain biking or kayaking is more relaxing than TV viewing. Even going to a movie or, god forbid, live theater, isn’t as enjoyable and relaxing as sitting front of the ol’ telly. Try to sleep sitting up in those “stadium seats” after you’ve shelled out $100 for tickets and concessions. You can’t rewind, record, fast forward through the boring parts, stop to get a better look at an actress’s breasts, none of that. You can’t stop it to go to the bathroom, that’s a game breaker for me.  Inferior entertainment. The good news is that even if you are chained to your spouse, friends, family, or kids that insist on doing any sort of these tier two or three hobbies or entertainments you can now always enhance that experience and make it less tedious with television!

Let’s get right down to first and second best:  sex and TV.  How can we combine these?  Well there’s a rich mans solution and the poor man’s solution.  Rich Man:  60 inch or better LED 1080p on every surface in your bedroom even above the head board and the ceiling.  The poor man’s solution has some actual advantages over the rich man solution:  mirrors on every surface and only one or two 1080p LEDs (as big as you can make ’em) placed strategically.  Now when your team scores you can score!  You’re doing both your favorite things at the same time unless she’s a two bagger and then you can stick with the sports.  In case you’re wondering both these solutions are actually gender neutral and also work for the G&L crowd too, I just used a guy example because they generally like both sex and TV more than gals.

Here’s another problem solved.  How to use TV when engaging in a more active lifestyle.  Let’s take mountain hiking and camping.  Both spouses can mount a small TV in their backpack.  All you have to do is cut a little window in the back of each pack and voila, even the remote will work.  Now only the following parties can watch but if you change places regularly everyone else can take their turn.  You can even get your kids to participate in active leisure time (what an oxymoron) activities with you.  Only broadcast and DVDs will work with this setup while moving (make sure you get a shock-free DVD player and a battery powered or better yet a solar powered setup).  Once you setup camp or your picnic you can break out the dish and enjoy literally hundreds of channels instead of telling dull stories or worse yet, singing around the camp fire.  Have each person haul at least one extra (or better yet more) charged Li batteries and a solar charger.  Leave out food, water, and other extra stuff if necessary to save weight.

Now with the heads-up-display TVs in glasses offered there literally is no excuse to not watch TV constantly and we have now proved that everything is enhanced by television.  Today there is no reason for you to whine about that mall trip or the amusement park so no more bitching about how I never make your life better.

I’ve got to finish this NCIS marathon I’ve been watching while I’ve been putting this together so excuse the typos.  I hope your miserable life has at least been slightly improved.

Special NCIS Agent Ziva David