Today on Woot!


For Safety’s Sake

Perfect for your sexy nite-time bike ride.

Safety is a super impotant issue when bike riding, especially at nite. You need to maintain a certain level of visability at all times to insure that drivers are aware of you’re presence.

Most people acheive this by wearing bright colors or reflective vests. But if noone ever wheres anything different, it becomes a sort of white noise, easily ignored.

But whose gonna ignore a lady wearing a Rhonda Shear lace bra and panties while riding a bike? No one, thats who. You’ll certainly get a lot of attention, some you may even consider unwanted. But is their really such thing as unwanted attention were safety is concerned? If you make the news at 10, you should just consider that a win.

Don’t think we’ve forgotten about you, gentlemen. Your safety is just as important to us. So youl’l be glad to now that Rhonda Shear lace bras and panties are especially affective for bike safety when worn by mails.

Queer Bait

This is another serious rant so you may as well move on right now.  Besides it’s gonna piss most of you off, so just go now, your already miserable day will be more blissful for it.


This should really wind them up.  My entries on abortion and gun control got a little excitement going on here.  People take things so seriously and I feel sorry for them because life isn’t really all that serious an affair.  Life is easy.  Maximize leisure time.  Hang out more with people you care for.  Help somebody everyday.  I ate, I didn’t get rained on, I slept okay, the rest is what is called luxury.  Get as much luxury as you can unless it means the guy next to you doesn’t eat, or gets rained on, or doesn’t have a place to sleep, then we have a problem with you and me having too much luxury and we should spread it around more than a little bit.

I call this little rant “Queer Bait” but it probably should be called “Homophobe Bait,” but that isn’t going to grab as many search hits which they say is soooooo important.

gay rainbow flagWhat’s the deal with Gay Rights?  I mean why is it an issue at all?  Just treat homosexuals like people, game over.  I live in the South and I see a lot of people getting all worked up about excluding gay people from doing what they want to do.  Why?  Do we come over to your house and tell you not to play “pony girl” or “cop and French maid” or beat your kids.  I didn’t think so, so leave people alone to do what they want.

love not gender

In the first place being gay isn’t some lifestyle choice any more than red hair is a lifestyle choice.  People are just born with a different groove and find love in different places than we straights do, and I say love is so hard to find these days that anywhere you can find it is practically a miracle and should be celebrated.  To say it is an edgy lifestyle choice is to be ignorant of the facts.

gay-marriageA lot of straight dudes say they can’t stand seeing gays holding hands in public or kissing.  Now me, I’m not particularly fond of watching anyone trade saliva in any public context, but just avert your gaze, you certainly don’t have to watch what you don’t like.  These same bigots tend to be the ones who don’t mind a little fake lesbian girl-on-girl action on Skinemax so hypocrisy is definitely the word for that day.

What is actually the threat to straight males from homosexuals?  Do they think it’s contagious.  Do they think someone is going to pork them in the locker room?  What if a gay man did ask you if you were straight or gay?  Shouldn’t you be flattered?

Wedding Cake

Gay marriage is actually one of the most sensible things.  After all gay marriage rarely results in any progeny and is an excellent outlet for all the unwanted children in this world.  Unbelievably the same people who oppose abortion are largely the same ones who oppose gay rights and gay marriage and gay adoption.  Go figure.

The conventional family argument is largely an anachronism today and a poor excuse to oppose gay rights.  At least 50% of hetero marriages end in divorce often with children involved and I think out of wedlock births are approaching the same number and growing, so a conventional monogamous long term straight family is in the minority nowadays.  I think we should encourage any kind of stable relationships of the monogamous long term kind, gay or straight.  I would bet, but don’t have the statistics to prove it (you know how lazy I am), that gay marriages result in a greater percentage of lasting long term relationships than heterosexual matrimony does.

So I say be an activist if you can but at least lay off and be cool about it.  Hope you have a Gay day!


vintagetelevisionI promised to tell you how watching television can enhance any part of your life and with today’s 21st Century wireless technology the future of 24 hour TV is even closer than you think. As you know I’m not here to disappoint so hang in there while I get up a full head of steam.

Now think about it, what do you like better than watching TV? Be honest. Okay, I’ll give you that  but TV second best, I’m going to show you how even #1 can be made better with television. So now we have established that TV viewing is just about the thing you most like to do. On top of that it is one of the most relaxing pastimes. It’s so relaxing you can even sleep in front of the TV and you should for your mental health. C’mon, what other hobby lets you sleep while you do it? So don’t tell me that mountain biking or kayaking is more relaxing than TV viewing. Even going to a movie or, god forbid, live theater, isn’t as enjoyable and relaxing as sitting front of the ol’ telly. Try to sleep sitting up in those “stadium seats” after you’ve shelled out $100 for tickets and concessions. You can’t rewind, record, fast forward through the boring parts, stop to get a better look at an actress’s breasts, none of that. You can’t stop it to go to the bathroom, that’s a game breaker for me.  Inferior entertainment. The good news is that even if you are chained to your spouse, friends, family, or kids that insist on doing any sort of these tier two or three hobbies or entertainments you can now always enhance that experience and make it less tedious with television!

sexontv-silverLet’s get right down to first and second best:  sex and TV.  How can we combine these?  Well there’s a rich mans solution and the poor man’s solution.  Rich Man:  60 inch or better LED 1080p on every surface in your bedroom even above the head board and the ceiling.  The poor man’s solution has some actual advantages over the rich man solution:  mirrors on every surface and only one or two 1080p LEDs (as big as you can make ’em) placed strategically.  Now when your team scores you can score!  You’re doing both your favorite things at the same time unless she’s a two bagger and then you can stick with the sports.  In case you’re wondering both these solutions are actually gender neutral and also work for the G&L crowd too, I just used a guy example because they generally like both sex and TV more than gals.


Here’s another problem solved.  How to use TV when engaging in a more active lifestyle.  Let’s take mountain hiking and camping.  Both spouses can mount a small TV in their backpack.  All you have to do is cut a little window in the back of each pack and voila, even the remote will work.  Now only the following parties can watch but if you change places regularly everyone else can take their turn.  You can even get your kids to participate in active leisure time (what an oxymoron) activities with you.  Only broadcast and DVDs will work with this setup while moving (make sure you get a shock-free DVD player and a battery powered or better yet a solar powered setup).  Once you setup camp or your picnic you can break out the dish and enjoy literally hundreds of channels instead of telling dull stories or worse yet, singing around the camp fire.  Have each person haul at least one extra (or better yet more) charged Li batteries and a solar charger.  Leave out food, water, and other extra stuff if necessary to save weight.

PIA0001002059Now with the heads-up-display TVs in glasses offered there literally is no excuse to not watch TV constantly and we have now proved that everything is enhanced by television.  Today there is no reason for you to whine about that mall trip or the amusement park so no more bitching about how I never make your life better.

I’ve got to finish this NCIS marathon I’ve been watching while I’ve been putting this together so excuse the typos.  I hope your miserable life has at least been slightly improved.


Special NCIS Agent Ziva David