Comb Over

What’s the deal with comb overs? You know those guys like Donald Trump et al that take a huge hunk of hair from the side of their heads and whip it over the top and then sweep it back so they can try to fool people they are not bald. Maybe if you asked them they would say that they weren’t trying to cover a bald spot but really want to style their hair that way. That’s what Trump would probably say. It’s the same thing with the rug-up-top (“Oh, it looks so natural I never would have known!”). Nobody wants the rug. Nobody wants the comb over.


And nobody wants to style their hair like a comb over. If they did then guys that still had a full mop would be doing the same thing: shave their heads except for one side and let it grow real long, like 16 inches, and then do the over and back thing with it. Did you ever see anyone with a full head of hair do that? I didn’t think so.

There are various disadvantages to each chrome remedy; the lid can just blow away, then there’s the swimming and shower problems, what to do with it during sex, etc. At least the comb over is gonna stay put, sorta.

The technical problems with the comb over are fluid transport and gravity. At some point there is going to be a hurricane or a tornado or you’ll be getting out of a helicopter and then it’s either in your eyes and mouth or it’s trying to imitate old glory. Either way, it’s not a pretty sight. You end up looking like a Misfits fan with a devil lock hangin’ down in front.


Why not just embrace the cue ball? Either shave it so the leftovers aren’t weird or just shave it all. Baldo is cool now. All sorts of guys, even guys with a full crop shave their head. Black men have a real advantage here since they have the pigmentation to really pull it off well. White guys, and the paler the worse it is, have that funky pink, pasty, potentially spotty dome to deal with. However, it still grooves sometimes. Get a tan and it sits better.


Some guys do have a physical disadvantage here and for them the situation is hopeless; guys that were attacked by an ax murderer at some previous time or guys that ate too much MSG before we knew that it gave you swell-head, for example. They are doomed to wear some freaky scar on the top of their heads that looks like a second mouth or people start whispering about “The Hills Have Eyes” when they’re around. But nobody said the universe is fair and a comb over is not going to change that.

What do guys think they are doing with a comb over? Who are they trying to impress? Unless you have a lot of money you are invisible to teenage girls no matter what you look like once you pass the magic three-oh, so why bother with them? Chicks your own age are starting to have their own high mileage issues so you are better off there, but really when you get in bed they are not going to wanna see that huge hunk of hair hangin’ in their face. The pool is going to be off limits too. And kite flying.

Face it and go with it. Stop looking the fool when you try to fool everyone. Whatever little you’ve got make it so it doesn’t go berserk in a high wind and make you look like Viktor Frankenstein.


1 thought on “Comb Over

  1. Pingback: The Big Lie | Welcome to my dreary life…

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