Layin’ in the razor blades and needles and apples for tonight. Rewrapping the candy is a bitch!
facebook is dead. Yep, you heard it here first. facebook is so uncool. It’s your grandma’s social network. facebook is trading recipes and gifs of Grumpy Cat. How cool is that? Cool as a Harley, right? You have to get out of your walker or wheelchair to get on one and then ride to a KISS concert. Maybe your live-in nurse can get you on it. facebook is the conversion van of social networks, complete with handicapped plates.
I’m not sure where all the cool people went. It wasn’t back to MySpace. SoundCloud seems pretty upscale. Maybe Pinterest. Probably tumblr.
twitter seems to have hung in there. I think all the cool people went over there. So if you want to be cool get on over to twitter where the 4 billion cool people are. Be on the cutting edge and tweet your every fart. You know that hash-tag thing we used to call a pound sign. That’s where it’s at. This year’s model, anyway.
I’m preparing an expose that is going to uncover the rotting corpse that is the pharmaceutical industry. This is going to take some time so be patient, and try not to be a patient (and try not to self-medicate). If you can hang in there, and if you don’t overdose in the meantime, you won’t be disappointed
Pretty cool, two April Fool’s jokes on the same blog? Woot helped me out, but I did most of the heavy lifting. You saps went for it hook, line, and, sinker! All around the world even! Did that make my day, or what? I told you I’m putting in 110% for you and there you are, proof positive. Your dreary world got that much brighter because I put down the US government spies in a daft way and slipped (pun intended!) that Rhonda Shear bra thing in as well. Wasn’t that a hoot? I even thought about buying one myself just to show Woot my appreciation, but I’m not that dumb or wealthy.
No May Day posts though. It’s a communist pagan holiday like Labor Day. We don’t go for that here. Communism is like an enforced D minus effort and Liberty is what we are about; even if everyone would be better off in a D minus world. If you are stupid enough to not follow my easy, I mean easy, like no effort at all, life principles, well that’s your problem and I’ll defend your right to choose that desperate way of life all the way to the point where I have to use you as a human shield to defend that principle. Like I’ve said before, I’ve got your back even if you choose to be a human sandbag for me.
Whoa, steady in the boat there boy. I got a little worked up. Someday I’ll tell you why communism is the only thing worse than rampant capitalism as a world system (I know one is economic and the other is political, I’m not a ‘tard). Some other day when you are ready for it. Not now. All things in good time.
Okay here is another heads up and on-target essay so pay attention, no napping. The swill we used to call Malt Liquor is now referred to as Ale. Yeah, the high alcohol content brew that was for low-down drinking is now being foisted off on the public under designer and “craft” brew labels as India Pale Ale. Now I don’t drink anymore ’cause it interferes with my ability to try to make your life better, but I used to drink, a lot, and you can make of that what you want but right now today it makes me better than a swill-head like you so listen up.
When I used to buy a case of Mickey’s in college people gave me a hard time. They said I was going downscale ethnically. Being a man who ignored the bigot, I bought it anyway, better buzz, better value.
Well some bootleggers keen on evading government taxes got the bright idea if they could convince lawmakers to waive the tax on “amateur” brewing for “home” use it would be a good idea, for them. No doubt some grease was applied. ‘Nuff said.
Then these so-called home brewers wanted to share some of their 20 proof bathtub jack with their “friends,” and maybe serve some ribs on the side, so voila, the brewpub was born, again tax free with a little more lubricant applied. Now these clever entrepreneurs figured if they could convince the gullible, ie you, that this brew pub thing was upscale, then they could pick 5 bucks off you for a glass of their hooch. They quit calling it just beer and created the craft lager and ale market.
From there it was just a matter of scaling things up and signing up more rubes (with some more grease, of course) to buy their dishwater basement brau in the supermarket or gas station. All that for what we used to call cheap malt liquor. The stuff is nasty, bitter and sweet flavored at the same time. Then they started throwing apples, blueberries, oranges, and similar adulterants in to get the ladies onboard. Chumps and snobs.
Now you can’t get a Budweiser in a bar for all the taps that are dedicated to these and other “imported” (from Canada) bathtub gray water beverages. Well, you can just drink this overpriced crap with dead rats in it if you want. If I want a malt liquor, I’m getting a Mickey’s or a Cobra, something that burns going down, not something that gives you a sinus headache and makes my breath smell like Chanel No. 5. Go for it, it’s not my money.
I’m working up a Wiccan article for Walpurgisnacht, April 30, so just be patient, and if I don’t give you one, well if you are following this blog you are also used to being disappointed, and you expected as much, so it can’t get any worse now, can it? Have a Nice Day! Go pop one for me.
Safety is a super impotant issue when bike riding, especially at nite. You need to maintain a certain level of visability at all times to insure that drivers are aware of you’re presence.
Most people acheive this by wearing bright colors or reflective vests. But if noone ever wheres anything different, it becomes a sort of white noise, easily ignored.
But whose gonna ignore a lady wearing a Rhonda Shear lace bra and panties while riding a bike? No one, thats who. You’ll certainly get a lot of attention, some you may even consider unwanted. But is their really such thing as unwanted attention were safety is concerned? If you make the news at 10, you should just consider that a win.
Don’t think we’ve forgotten about you, gentlemen. Your safety is just as important to us. So youl’l be glad to now that Rhonda Shear lace bras and panties are especially affective for bike safety when worn by mails.
I know a lot of you have been waiting with baited breath for my next post, but I’ve been busy; unlike you I’ve been busy with this thing called Life. Oh sure, I’m still putting in 110% for you but now I have to put in 210% just to keep up with life too. And unlike you I don’t have a lot of “free time” on my hands jerking at work on your computer while you should be working on that spreadsheet and graph to make your boss look better. I also don’t want to waste your time with posts that are about nothing at all, although I happen to know you have a lot of time and something else on your hands. Unlike other bloggers my posts are always full of useful and important content, not just me blabbing about how I was constipated yesterday but now I’m okay. Who wants to read something like that? Other bloggers think you want to know whenever they pick their nose. Nobody wants that. Even somebody as important as the President of the United States, you wouldn’t want to know when he picks his nose, now would you? So I don’t waste your already worthless life with things that are not relevant to it and are all about me.
Be patient, as it says in Ecclesiastes: there is a time for everything, or something like that.
That International Feel post wasn’t that great. I’m a big man, in more ways than one, so I’m big enough to admit it was a D minus effort, but that’s water under the bridge, as they say. Unlike most of you I don’t make the same mistake twice so you don’t have to wait for another opportunity to poke your finger in my eye. Ain’t gonna happen. Get over it.
Hey, I bought this NSA t-shirt from Woot.com. The folks over there know about real patriotism. It says “NSA” but if you look really close it has all these little quotes from The Constitution, Thomas Jefferson, and Thomas Paine, and their ilk, about freedom that makes up the NSA letters. I don’t expect many of you to know much about this or these guys but they are the true patriots of history and said way back then (18th century) that the NSA was bad and was going to spy on American citizens if somebody wasn’t vigilant and rat out the “Organization.” Back then the NSA just peeped in your window and opened your mail, but now it’s way more sophisticated as I’ve pointed out in previous posts. Pretty cool, huh? I suppose if I wear it in Washington “somebody” will just stick a microscopic poison pellets in my leg and that’ll be it. One of those cardboard box campers will end up wearing my shirt. The price of freedom.
Well I just wanted you to know I wasn’t dead but I’m also not one of those bloggers to put up a long post about nothing at all just so I can see my name in print. So until the muse calls again, I’ll be silent.